joy, faith, love, kindness

these are the words I chose to lean into when the going got tough.

I didn't feel them, not a single one

but I recited them

I wrote them

I prayed them

until my centered returned

and I could feel my feet again

and my hands began to work.

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Now I don't need these words anymore.

Or do I?

How does one know what one needs?

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I chose them then and I can choose them now to lean into for when the going once again crumbles beneath me.

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If I choose them now, strengthen them, rely on them in the vastness of the uncertainty that always swells inside my head, then in less stable times, they will be like sign posts leading me back to the part of myself that feels them.

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It's not perfect and it's not an answer to all the questions I have but it's a way to live and I can’t live without that.

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